yes! since graduating, i have let go of most ambition (privileged that i don't have to fight for every scrap of happiness) in efforts to step away from the rat race, practice contentment + gratitude, all that good stuff ... though I do admit I sometimes feel off. Like I'm just floating through life, instead of climbing toward something.
Sometimes I go through my old journals to remind myself that the happiest memories I hold were from times where I was at my lowest--because I was doing too much or pushing myself beyond my limits. it's all a give and take.
yes it's so interesting! i obsessively track my mood in an app these days & do find that my more volatile weeks are often the most meaningful, in the grand scheme of things, bc i was embroiled in something (a proj, relationship, etc) that i really cared about. though ofc you need both modes to sustain
both! i'm so glad you mentioned that. i feel like so much of my experience post-grad has been having more agency = seeking balance and like learning to self-regulate with that balance.
enjoyed the read! this is my first time commenting on a substack :) "I worry I've become less ambitious" is a very familiar thought in my brain...
i've been feeling that inner storm of happiness vs contentment vs anger vs ambition for a long time, and have done a full 180 on definitions of happiness and ambition — and made a lot of progress on the anger! for a few years, i questioned whether i was even an ambitious person, or if i just wanted to think of myself as ambitious bc society and my peers thought of ambition as Good. now, i think the definition of ambition that my peers use is too limited and narrow-minded — i have a lot of drive, and would call myself ambitious, but certainly don't care about a lot of things that classic hoop-jumping "Ambitious" people care about. perhaps something worth thinking about!
ahh glad it resonated! and 100% with you on defining ambition. for me, i think my ambition 3 years ago was driven by anxiety, peer pressure, etc. and aspiring to things i didn't want to do. today, i no longer feel *bad* about taking a slower path, but i feel ready to pursue my actual passions more deeply and intensely -- that's my 2021 goal at least :)
"Younger kids have started asking me for career advice, but I don’t know which truth to recite. If crippling imposter syndrome was your motivating fuel, is it fair to tell others to get rid of theirs? Which comes first: the moral or the outrage? Hustle porn is out, wellness porn is in, and both standards feel equally hard to meet."
There's definitely something in the middle of these extremes. Imposter syndrome and the lack of it can be a guide too. They say if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. Similarly, if you're in a room and you don't feel any imposter syndrome, maybe that's the wrong room too?
yes! since graduating, i have let go of most ambition (privileged that i don't have to fight for every scrap of happiness) in efforts to step away from the rat race, practice contentment + gratitude, all that good stuff ... though I do admit I sometimes feel off. Like I'm just floating through life, instead of climbing toward something.
Sometimes I go through my old journals to remind myself that the happiest memories I hold were from times where I was at my lowest--because I was doing too much or pushing myself beyond my limits. it's all a give and take.
yes it's so interesting! i obsessively track my mood in an app these days & do find that my more volatile weeks are often the most meaningful, in the grand scheme of things, bc i was embroiled in something (a proj, relationship, etc) that i really cared about. though ofc you need both modes to sustain
both! i'm so glad you mentioned that. i feel like so much of my experience post-grad has been having more agency = seeking balance and like learning to self-regulate with that balance.
would also like to add that i really loved how you made these connections between Kuang, Rin + Beth, and your own experiences as a debater!
enjoyed the read! this is my first time commenting on a substack :) "I worry I've become less ambitious" is a very familiar thought in my brain...
i've been feeling that inner storm of happiness vs contentment vs anger vs ambition for a long time, and have done a full 180 on definitions of happiness and ambition — and made a lot of progress on the anger! for a few years, i questioned whether i was even an ambitious person, or if i just wanted to think of myself as ambitious bc society and my peers thought of ambition as Good. now, i think the definition of ambition that my peers use is too limited and narrow-minded — i have a lot of drive, and would call myself ambitious, but certainly don't care about a lot of things that classic hoop-jumping "Ambitious" people care about. perhaps something worth thinking about!
ahh glad it resonated! and 100% with you on defining ambition. for me, i think my ambition 3 years ago was driven by anxiety, peer pressure, etc. and aspiring to things i didn't want to do. today, i no longer feel *bad* about taking a slower path, but i feel ready to pursue my actual passions more deeply and intensely -- that's my 2021 goal at least :)
"Younger kids have started asking me for career advice, but I don’t know which truth to recite. If crippling imposter syndrome was your motivating fuel, is it fair to tell others to get rid of theirs? Which comes first: the moral or the outrage? Hustle porn is out, wellness porn is in, and both standards feel equally hard to meet."
There's definitely something in the middle of these extremes. Imposter syndrome and the lack of it can be a guide too. They say if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. Similarly, if you're in a room and you don't feel any imposter syndrome, maybe that's the wrong room too?